Congratulations! At the age of 92, you are my oldest correspondent. Thank you so much for the slice of Dundee cake, it was extremely thoughtful of you. It arrived a little squished, but perfectly edible when tipped into a saucer.
I’m sorry to hear of the feud, dear, families can weave such complex relationships. But I, like you, simply cannot understand the adversity towards your Grandson’s latest business venture. Perhaps there is a little jealousy because of the wonderful investment you have made; I think it is most admirable of you to have ploughed so much into supporting your Grandson. Yes, the evenings can seem long without a television, but now that you don’t have anything to sit on, it’s a great excuse to get out and enjoy your garden. I imagine it must be very difficult for you to eat at the moment, but you will soon receive a return on your investment, and then you can replace your gold teeth.
There really is nothing to worry about, dear, you’re clearly financially shrewd and your family will soon come round. I only wish I had some funds to invest into your Grandson’s ‘guaranteed risk-free’ scheme. Personally, I wouldn’t have sold all my roof tiles in one go but goodness, I am far too cautious. A Nervous Nellie, my mother used to call me! But you, Bill, are living proof that fortune favours the brave.
I do hope my letter has reassured you, dear. You can sleep soundly (as far as the bathtub will allow) secure in the knowledge that your fortunes are about to be transformed. I will keep an eye on the Emerging Greek Markets Property Fund and think of you, happily reaping the benefits.