Dear Wilma

I was intrigued by your letter - such a modern relationship! Skyping and Facetime and such – it’s all a mystery to me, of course but my dear niece assures me many couples interact through the Internet these days. I believe she attracts a great deal of admirers herself via her regular webcam appearances; what a liberated girl she is!

You must be very excited at the prospect of finally meeting your long-distance beau. I agree, his flight is extremely expensive and what a shame it has been cancelled four times now, but of course it is fine to keep sending the money – it will be as safe as houses in his account at the Union Bank of Nigeria.

Yours, Eunice

Dear Brian

I must confess, I am at a loss  - I don’t know why she hasn’t returned your calls, especially after such a successful first date at the National Railway Museum.  Perhaps she is still recovering from the heady rush of the steam locomotive simulator ride, or the thrill of viewing the entire timetable collection; I bet she couldn’t believe it dated right back to 1839!

Just give her time to recuperate, dear, and perhaps choose somewhere less giddy for your second date.

Yours, Eunice