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Yours, Eunice

Help is at hand! Agony Aunt extraordinaire, Eunice Peaks, answers your letters and offers sound practical advice on family, relationships, work and container gardening - a problem shared is a problem halved!

Dear Apple

7/22/2013

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Dear Apple  

What an unusual nickname you have, my dear! Thank you for your letter - I don’t get many from nine year olds, and I’m sorry that the Childline adviser hung up on you. I’m not completely sure what a ‘douche bag’ is but perhaps she didn’t take too kindly to being called one, dear. Neither am I convinced that having to eat your mother’s “hippy beany shit” can really be classed as child abuse. Quinoa with buckwheat pasta sounds absolutely scrummy! I haven’t tried twig tea myself, but I’m sure I’d love it and being forced to chew each mouthful thirty-eight times is fabulous for your digestion, as borne out by your comment that you are “never off the crapper”. 
You really are a lucky little girl to live in a house filled with music! Perhaps you are not yet old enough to fully appreciate your Dad’s “suicidal cat” singing, but I don’t feel this is strong enough reason for you to be fostered. I’m sorry you are so unhappy, Apple my dear but your parents sound like nice, normal, well-adjusted people to me and they just have your best interests at heart. One must count one’s blessings and be thankful that Apple is not your real name! Imagine how tiresome life would be if it was!

All the best, dear.

Yours Eunice

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    Eunice Peaks

    "WE DISCOVER, WE GROW". Girl Guiding Association

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